To whom it may concern,
I’m quick out the door. I’m just real, real quick. You say, “hey let’s go” And my shoes are ON and I am ready-for-action. Quick out the door. Sometimes my shoes are not on yet. That’s never a problem. I grab them and put them on as though that was a perfectly normal and easy task to complete. Left shoe, right shoe. Zim-zam, flim-flam, quick out the door.
Keys? Front left pocket.
Wallet? Don’t even need to check for it.
Quick. Out. The. Door.
FUCK. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY FUCKING PHONE FUCK SAM CALL MY PHONE FUCK THE UBER GUY IS HERE I THINK IT’S DEAD OH WAIT I THINK IT’S AT THE BAR STILL NO THE ONE FROM THE OTHER NIGHT I DON’T KNOW I DON’T REMEMBER LOOKING AT IT FOR THE LAST COUPLE DAYS IT’S PROBABLY THERE OH WAIT NO HERE IT IS THANKS